Make Love Happen

Relationships are fluid, they don’t just stay the same from day to day or year to year. The danger to having a false sense of certainty or taking things for granted or complacency in relationships is well documented. What I want you to think about is this: When you think you fully know something (a sense of certainty), there’s no reason to continue to be curious about it. Curiosity is vital to all relationships, and this is what I want you to consider cultivating.

If you can’t surprise your loved ones, or your loved ones can’t surprise you, then you are already stuck in a somewhat static mode. And if you’ve done that with key relationships, your spouse or your partner, for instance, that’s not a good thing — apathy and indifference are creeping in as a function of your conceptual complacency. All your relationships that are love-based flourish when you bring “fresh” curiosity to bear, and they flounder when your curiosity runs dry.

So, how do you maintain an element of surprise and curiosity in your relationships? Maybe you could consider making an upside surprise out of some of your goofiness, or your small mistakes, those things you think of as “outtakes” in life that historically you would rather others not see. Making love happen as CBI can help you let go of all your tendencies to only show yourself in part, never fully. What you show or reveal of yourself is what you get from others in terms of love. So, if you are currently underwhelmed by the love in your life, you might want to surprise yourself to start with, and reveal your true self to yourself. That will jump-start your interest, bring back some measure of curiosity and expose a healthy amount of uncertainty and surprise in your relationships.

This is a call to all humans to recognize that the quality of your life is a function of the health of your relationships. Period. End of story. The recent longitudinal study conducted at Harvard backs this idea up. This is how you improve your health; this is how you improve your relationships. Make love happen. That’s how you do it. Now I want to recognize that there are different categories of relationships and in each of these we face distinct dynamics, personalities, tests, and lessons. There are different ambivalences that take place within each one of them. For example, in your primary or romantic relationship, your soulmate relationship, the level of intimacy that you are comfortable with is what you are also seeking in them. More intimacy or less intimacy — that particular variable is very important. How much intimacy do you want? How does that match up with what they want? These are important things to know, about yourself first and then about your partner. All your feelings and conclusions about intimacy and relationships might need to be sorted out and shared on some level. Intimacy involves dissolving boundaries and the need for them in order to open up and connect or merge.

Intimacy entails the courage to trust beyond your normal, to match up with the trust your heart really desires. This is where we bridge the gap between risk and yearning for the profound.

If you can you be okay with a little or a lot of white water on the waves, this will serve you well. You won’t be looking for certainty about too much of anything and you won’t become complacent. You may even find some things to be curious about. It’s about moving you off the well-worn path that has not been of service to you in your relationships. You don’t get to keep on with the pathetic approach of “leave me alone, I have wounds I’m nursing” (or ignoring).

Enhancing our love means we’re looking to raise the level of commitment, benevolence and interest in all our relationships, to expand our toolkit and to stop trying to control others. Get on the ride and enjoy it because there’s so much to love and life that you’re underutilizing and under experiencing. It’s all available to you and you’re not serving evolution well as you presently are interacting. Our collective needs are evolving as the village is evolving and as the actual planet is evolving. We’re going to have to let go of the domination/avoid domination priority, and we’’ll have to trust more to do that. Let’s grow the #*%@ up and stop that domination game because we’re too afraid to trust ourselves and each other. If we want to Stop all of that., we have to Make love happen. Make more love happen, make better love happen. Let enough love happen to the point that it gets the last word. Let love happen to the point that it is the last word. Start by being curious, see where it takes you. CBI

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