EMOTIONAL LAZINESS

Quite a good number of people are either culpable of this or have been with emotionally lazy partners, yet it is surprising that its not a very popular topic of discourse.

Have you ever just felt like your emotional needs are not being met by your partner? Like you’re the one putting in all the work, or that you just don’t see them making efforts to foster or sustain an emotional connection?

Most emotionally lazy people would usually describe themselves as “emotionally unavailable”, LOL… or probably say things like “I am a realist”, I am practical, “I am rational”. They just aren’t willing to put in the work needed for there to be emotional growth.

Here are some traits of emotionally lazy people:

· Poor Communication: They usually do not feel the need to call or text. They just assume that even though they aren’t communicating as they should, you’d either bear the burden of always reaching out, or by some sort of magical power the relationship would be just fine without communicating, unfortunately, this usually isn’t the case and the other partner feels neglected and uncared for.

· Reluctance to Address Disagreements: Emotionally lazy people do not want to expend energy ironing things out. They expect that once they mutter “I’m sorry” it completely wipes off whatever sins they might have committed and, if their partners haven’t completely absolved them, they begin to make you feel troublesome and unforgiving. They do not want to itemize the underlying issues or atone until they gain forgiveness.

· Little to No Romantic Gestures: Going on a romantic date, sending flowers over, a thoughtful gift, marking anniversaries… and all the other sweet gestures require a bit of planning and taking the time to plan is something that emotionally lazy people find difficult. They’d usually hide under the guise of being rational or practical or just say “I’m not an emotional person” Oh puhleeezeee! You’ll usually find that they express other forms of emotions such as anger, hurt, pain, sadness? Isn’t this just curious? Or they only have a problem with good emotions?

· Lack of Spark: All good relationships take effort. It is your duty to ignite the spark. Besides physical attraction which is very important as well, all other chemistry and closeness is up to you and your partner. The more time you spend communicating and bonding, the closer you’d feel to each other and ultimately the happier you both will be.

· No Affirmation: Speaking as a woman now, every girl wants some degree of affirmation. You want to know that you are loved, you want to feel cared for and looked after. This isn’t all dependent on materialism. Little things such as: Saying ‘I Love you’ at the end of phone conversations, eulogizing your partner on special occasions, putting your partner up on your social media display pictures go a long way and most emotionally lazy people fail to realize this.

Emotional laziness is a scourge in most relationships. A relationship is a partnership and should not be one-sided. The most effective solution is to recognize that there is a problem and then make conscious effort to play your part.

Loving someone is intentional, and unexpressed love is pointless. Take baby steps, remind yourself to be more involved, know that a canoe does not paddle itself, and so if your relationship must move forward you must put in the work. It takes two to tango.

I’d like to hear from you all. Can you relate? Have you ever been with emotionally lazy partners? How did you handle it? Do you think that you are emotionally lazy?

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